like, whatever

antagonise

2007-02-12T20:46:00.000+08:00

hello stranger. have we met before? you look awfully familiar.

ah yes. you were a fragment of my former life. now i remember. but that was a life i left behind long ago.

why? i don't know. things change. so do people. they say that change is the only constant in life you know.

yeah. but i'm not the only one. you've changed too. have i told you i don't know you at all lately? you're no longer who i thought you were. your little flings with guys you meet; your flirtatious attitude; perhaps as we grow, so does our desperate carnal nature (or maybe just yours).

oh come on now. you can't say that. i haven't really changed much. i was always like that. perhaps your just didn't see. have i become any more vicious, cold or diabolic? i don't think i've become more malicious.

well, you see. certain people have forced my hand in this. you wouldn't honestly believe i'd deliberately want to hurt anyone, would you? i mean, what do i stand to gain from it?

oh, you ask about your friends? well i don't know if i can let them off. they've been awfully annoying lately, just like you. i honestly had no intention of having anything to do with them, but you dragged them into it, didn't you? didn't you? you dragged them into your little grand alliance trying to topple me. you knew way before this that i could easily crush your attempt to seize power, yet you still tried to do so. i do applaud the audacity, but i think i've had enough fun with your pitiful attempts to oppose me and stand up to me.

but what? i don't deny i'm just another cruel dictator; another possessed maniac trying to create his version of utopia, but you know, mine's so much simpler. it's just a world without you.

come on. don't cry. face reality. and it's about time.

oh surely you knew that actions have consequences?

no my dear, it's too late for that. forgiveness isn't bought just before...

...your execution of course.

yes. you're going to be silenced (so i never have to hear that sickening voice of yours again. i've always cringed whenever you uttered an audible syllable.)

why the surprise? wasn't death what you courted from the moment you dared oppose me?

it's time. take her to the gallows.

yes, i know. i'll see you in hell too.

let's go watch a gay movie

2007-01-27T14:12:00.000+08:00

the school week is over, which means that someone i've survived without killing anyone. i'm so proud of myself.

hmmm, met chet and eugene to pool yday. i think i've past the time in my life where buying gifts for people matters. i guess i'd rather give of my time than my money. not that i'm saving money or very poor, but it's more because i think my time and presence would mean more to people that i care about. i think about my own birthdays, and i remember how i spent them - with people doing various things, and not the gifts i get.

left at 7 to meet carol for dinner at plaza sing. and i thought girls would have a greater sense of time. haha. oh well... it's quite frustrating, yet amusing, to know that i'm being read so easily. so much for being a closed book. and it's just been one week. hmmm.

met joel, paul and anna at ben and jerry's. tim, joseph, bryan, nic came later. the sc girls came only after we got the tickets. i think we've made our mark at the cathay alr.

"can we get 12 tickets for pan's labyrinth? -me
"sure, choose from the available seats." -counter lady highlights a whole row of seats 3 from the front.
"huh. that's so far front. what're the red seats?" -me
"oh, couple seats." -lady
"YES YES COUPLE SEATS!" -joel
"oh no! you again!" -lady

joel and paul previously went to check out the seats and were leaning on each other and asking about the couple seats so the lady thought they were gay. HAHAHAHAHA.

"yeah, let's get all the couple seats." -joel
"rows a,b,c seats 1, 2, and 15, 16. is that okay?" -lady
"okay." -me
"wait, what about the four red seats right at the back?" -joel
"oh yeah, we have four girls, they can seat there." -me
the counter lady gives us the weird look like we're all homo and the four girls are les.
"where are the char bors ah?" -bryan
"no idea." -joseph
"let's just get the seats." -me
"total: $108." -lady
we cause a big mess paying. heh.
"enjoy your movie!" -lady
"oh we will." -joel and i wink and walk away.
and everyone laughs. oh the insanity.

and while waiting for the movie to start, tim, bryan and i went to log on to the weird computer terminals and scrolled through what people used google to search for. haha. we ended up reading part of the long telegram there. then we decided to type in "ac rocks" and several blogs appeared. we ended up tagging as taggers who googled "ac rocks" from the cathay. haha. and bryan signed off with xoxo on a girl's blog. -.-

the movie was pretty good. i fell asleep till lynette msged and asked how the movie was. i fell asleep so that's saying something. then she was demanding i stay awake cos mr sam ng said it was good. the symbolism and motifs were pretty well developed, but the plot was pretty dull and slow movie. it was like a dark, morbid fairy tale. oh well...

off to do lit now. then read SEA history. i no longer have sundays to do my work.

surrender

2007-01-15T17:46:00.000+08:00

honestly, i don't ever recall a struggle with God like this. most issues of surrender having been that painful. the most i ever felt was a slight tinge of heartache and a week full of pondering upon the "what-ifs" that constantly plague my life. but really, there was never been a moment a struggled so badly.

i'm torn between cf and xcountry / track. i know He's called me for something great in ac, and i don't doubt that He can use me no matter where i am. yet, with time passing and through different times of sharing with people, the calling to give up xcountry and track and to join cf (and as a comm member later in the year) has become more obvious. it's changed from "i shall join cross" to "i shall join cross and cf" to "i think i need to commit my all to cf, leaving me no time for cross", and the latter option is something that i'm struggling with. for one, it's something i like doing, and the people i know there. and i am definitely not for the idea of giving up halfway. years of training should not be laid to waste just like that, should they?

and when you make sacrifices, it's painful enough. what could be worse? being misunderstood. i'm not joining cos i'm scared of competition; cos they're better than me; cos my injury got the better of me. on a personal level, those words come from people who, though claiming to be supportive friends, want me out of running for their own reasons. and really, i don't think there's any other reason than God. nothing else would and could cause me to make that decision. so the next time you want to say something about it, think twice (more if you need to) and don't.

as if the whole decision making process was not hard enough, there are the additional pressures that one feels when stepping into a seasonal calling. and contrary to popular belief, i would rather shy from the spotlight than be in it. but that's not the case now. and when things are public you feel the scrutiny and weight on your shoulders because you know you have to step up and meet those expectations. it's not that i seek to please man, but at times, impressions must be maintained. it's the same reason why we dress well for church. it's not to make an impression on others, but if a newcomer's around, it does make a good impression.

i don't think i've ever felt this...burdened before. but i'll hold on to what kf said. the breaking and moulding period is the storm before revival.

take it all ;

getting to know you

2007-01-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

1. Does anyone know your password to your email? nope.
2. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds? mcwings.
3. Are you an emotional person? i border emotional and rational i guess.
4. Do you like your name? yeah.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? no.
6. Ever felt jealous of your friend? when i was younger.
7. What was the last thing you did? eat cookies.
8. Who is right next to you? no one.
9. Who was the last person/people you ate with? mich leong, lunch. i woke up at 8 for dinner. heh.
10. What song are you listening to right now? how to save a life.
11. How's the weather right now? cloudy.
12. Last person who called you today? mich leong, asking me to go down for vday auditions.
14. Last song you sang? songs at morning worship.
15. Last time you danced? MASS DANCE! AHHHH.
16. Lost a friendship over something stupid? ermm. don't rem.
18. Last thing you ate? cookies!
19. Been really depressed before? i wouldn't know what "really depressed" means, would i?
20. Faked being sick to miss school? no. i take mcs. [:
21. What time did you wake up today? 6am.
22. Current taste? -shrugs. [:
23. What are you wearing right now? victorian challenge tee and shorts. why do such questions come out? what do you wanna hear? nothing?! -.-
24. Are you too shy to ask someone out? HAHAHAHA.
25. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ...and it would interest you because?
26. Where are you right now? in my room.
27. What date and day is it? 100107 wednesday.
28. Did you go anywhere today? school, church, home.
29. What did you do there? go for lectures, eat, sleep? -.-
30. How old are you? 16 going on 17.
31.Are you mature / immature? i'm mature. [:
32. Do you call your parents by their first name? err no.
33. Are you an only child? nope.
34. Where do you go shopping? town.
35. Do you like where you work? you mean school? yeah.
36. Do you like books? yupp.
37. Do you want to get married? yeah.
38. To whom? ...i have no idea. really. you must believe me.
39. What side of the heart do you draw first? left side.
40. Can you dive without plugging your nose? yeah.
41. What is your blood-type? O.
42. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? i refuse to answer such scandalous questions.
43. What is a rumor someone has spread about you? oh, lots. go figure.
44. How do you feel about carrots? ermm, okay i guess?
45. How many chairs at the dining room table? 4
46. Which is the best Spice Girl? cinnamon? HAHAHA. okay nvm.
47. Do you know what time it is? 10:09pm. OH TV! BRB.
48. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince theme? huh.
49. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? call someone to get me out?
50. What's your favorite kind of gum? the "dumdum i want gumgum" gum.
51. T or F : All's fair in love and war? false.
52. Do you have a crush on anyone? ...what's wrong with you.
53. Do you know how to use some words correctly? HUH.
54. Do you like to sleep? i NEED to sleep.
55. Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings? yeah.
56. Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart? YES!
57. Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang? err, why not. i can sell it.
58. What's something you've always wanted? -shrugs.
59. Do you have hairy legs? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ohmytian. wanna find out? -.-
60. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? lake.
61. Do you wear a lot of black? nope.
62. Describe your hair. LEGALLY BROWN. xD
63. Do you have Entomophobia? ooh, insect! pretty!
64. Are you an adult? nope.
65. Where is/are your best friend(s)? huh.
66. Do you have a tan? ermm, i guess.
67. Are you a television addict? nope.
68. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? i guess.
69. Are you a health freak? yeah.
70. Do you like orange juice? ermm, yeah i guess.
71. What sign are you? "caution: hot!" :D
72. Where do you wish you were right now? in bed, sleeping.

1. Who is the last person you held hands with? HAHAHAHAHA.
2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive? definitely.
4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton? yes.
5. Have you ever won a spelling bee? yes.
7. How fast can you type? fast.
8. Are you afraid of the dark? when i was younger. stupid crime watch.
9. Eye color? no idea. different people say different things.
11. When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower? every possible time.
12. Do you knock on wood? what for?
15. Can you hoola hoop? yeah.
16. Are you good at keeping secrets? i guess.
17. What do you want for Christmas? SOMEONE OWES ME A PRESENT!!!
18. Do you know the Muffin Man? yeah. he's my ex-best friend.
19. Do you talk in your sleep? no.
20. Who wrote the book of love? ooh. nice question. i'll go with God. [:
21. Have you ever flown a kite? yeah.
23. Do you consider yourself successful? i reckon so.
24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell? HAHA MY PHONE'S GONE! i still have my other phone though.
25. Have you ever asked for a pony? no!
26. Plans for tomorrow? stone in school. boring talks.
28. Missing someone now? not really...
29. When was the last time you told someone 'I love you'? last night, though it might not necessarily be scandalous. so stop grinning.
31. How are you feeling today? sleepy.
32. Are you black? ...what?!
33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school? yeah. i was too smart. DUH NO?
34. What are you looking forward to? friday.
35. Have you ever crawled through a window? yeah.
37. Have you ever eaten dog food? no.
38. Can you handle the truth? HAHA! KI QUESTION! OWNED.
39. Do you like green eggs and ham? no.
40. What 3 things you always bring w/ you to places? wallet, handphone, and another random object.
41. Any cool scars? i'm not harry porter.
42. Do you like or have a crush on anyone? Do they know? i like many people, and yes they know.
43. How many kids do you plan on having? 25863. whatever.
44. What do you do when no one is watching? sounds so sneaky. sleep!
45. Have you ever been in love? with God. stop asking me such questions.
46. Do you talk to yourself? yes.
47. Is there something you want that you can't have? yeah. an income of more than 20 million a year. hahahaha. nevermind.
48.Three things about the prefered sex that you first notice? PREFERRED?! not OPPOSITE?! gee. (i skirt questions like i eat ice cream. okay no link. haha.)
49.Who are you thinking about right now? hmmmm...
50. Who did you last hug? my stalker will know.
51. Where is your phone? on the table next to my laptop.
52. What was the last thing you ate? cookies.
54. what time is it right now? 10:26pm
55. What is the last movie watched? deathnote2!
56. What song do you currently hear? bad grammar. be glorified.
57. favourite colour? pink, and others.
58. Would you ever date anyone on your friends list? why not? what's wrong with going out with them? stupid implications.
59. What TV show are you watching? i would be watching a certain show which sis thinks is stupid, but i'll watch it tmr i guess.
60. When was the last time you kissed someone? HAHAHAHA.

launch

2007-01-07T22:37:00.000+08:00

and ignyte@pl has taken off, and i hope that the excitement and hype does not end at the beginning, but carry through into the year. there's always excitement when something new hits town, but what happens when time passes by? i hope it isn't just a fad, but really, i pray that excitement each time the youth come for fuel and service will continue burning.

it's so common these days for our passions and attentions to wane. how common is it for us to covet after the latest things on the market, and lay waste to our present possessions? i don't deny that i'm exempted from such temptations. but as i grow, i increasingly try to curb the temptation to pursue my wants, but be content with my needs.

indeed, a new year brings about many new things. new revelation and new visions must be coupled with new passion and new commitment.

a post on birthing and conceiving shall come soon, once i actually bother to take time to blog a proper post.

what do you see?

2007-01-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

do i dare to dream? what do i see in ac?

i see what God wants to do. i've heard His Plan. i see promises being fulfilled, and i see the challenges that come my way. it's such a great calling. ac might be a christian school by name, but that might not be reflected in the lifestyle of the students.

ac cell.
cf outreach.

dare i dream?

no, it's not a dream. i claim it as reality, with God as my help.

how to save a life

2006-12-29T23:14:00.000+08:00

How To Save A Life
by The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

these are lives you hold in your hand

2006-12-28T17:59:00.000+08:00

and that is why i'm still trying to call people since i woke up today. arrgh. and i could be in malaysia shopping now. but oh well, priorities and commitments.

the kids are a mixed bag really. some of them are quite direct and rude, but weren't most of us when we were that age? and others just simply make your day by being ever so polite. and i mean guys! when i was thirteen i think i'd be like, "okay bye" and slam the phone down. some of them even say, "thank you for calling" and it melts my heart.

indeed i think it's going to be a "mixed bag" year ahead too. but what God's been telling me is that it's about perspective; it's how we choose to see what we're in. and that's something i've picked up along this year, thanks to a certain someone. and i admit, my views on things have changed. i honestly used to be very negative and pessimistic, and many can attest to that. but i've changed, and i can clearly see how God's prepared the way for me to step into where i am now.

it's going to be a challenging year ahead, but i know it's going to be fruitful with God by my side.

hope

2006-12-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

december - what many people term the month of hope - is the time of the year with the greatest number of suicide cases. interesting fact, isn't it? it's that time of the year we all wait in eager anticipation for. you know, that time? surely you do know, the time for all the gifts and presents? yeah it's that time.

i wish my life (and my thoughts) could be that simple. do you think i'm smart? i don't think so. i'm not a straight A student (cos i don't want to be). i don't even have an o level cert to show anyone! i don't even know why i'm cursed with such insight and views on things in life. it's not even an interest anymore; i don't want to know more about the accursed human condition.

okay, pardon the bout of teenage angst.

back to the topic of hope. why do we hope? why do we dare to dream; to envisage plans for a future unseen and shrouded by the mists of time? what causes us to possess that belief that makes us hold firm to a certain perspective or view?

why do i want to even believe that something will come to pass? why is there that room for hope, when everything could be an absolute? it's just a grey area - sitting on the fence - not knowing which outcome fate chooses as she opens that door of time and everything follows through. why do i want to wish against what i feel is inevitable, like sailing back against the current upstream. it's draining, very draining.

which is worse: having a predetermined choice, or having none at all? i can't seem to decide between the two. yes, it has to be ambiguous because it's a public blog.

and we'll leave questions unanswered. don't expect to see this blog next year. spoke to mad about different things on the cab ride back from michleong's place. we chanced upon the topic of blogs and younger youths who read them. i've yet to determine where i stand with regards to that issue. and i had better make my mind up soon.

the slow dance

2006-12-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

repost from the other blog. and it's a timely reminder too. consider this my present to weird readers out there.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

the night before christmas

2006-12-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

so it's christmas eve already, and truth be told, i haven't finished preparing for christmas. as such, most people will only get their gifts on christmas day. i would, and am supposed to be, fretting over the fact that i'm still ill-prepared for christmas, yet corrinne may's the gift is just so soothing. oh well...

hmmm. 3 months probation as a leader in z1. what joy. haha. i'm now with bro kf, and i'm the only other guy in the section?! imagine if i had chosen to help zhichao. eeps. and according to bro kf there are only 4 sps so far - keith yong, ezra, inez and... CHENGTNG?!?!? whaaaaaaat. -.- oh the insanity. oh the insanity. have i said oh the insanity? lol. okay. i'm just being weird. it was nice when they annouced it; the other leaders were really welcoming. jas por was like, "hi brother isaac." and bro adrian said the same thing! arrgh. i cannot get used to it. really. but oh well, at the least the age gap's wide enough so that i don't get too close to the youths. don't want friendship to get in the way of ministry, it's something that i fear may happen. i'm going to have to watch myself. and i have to start getting to know the adults.

two transitions. ac and being a leader. it's not going to be easy, but God's going to make a way. when God calls you to it, He will see you through it. and i believe that.

rahh. sis won't be around for christmas. she's spending half of december in malaysia. weirdness...

delusions

2006-12-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

a song before i leave. i'll edit and add on tonight.

Two Beds and a Coffee Machine
by Savage Garden

And she takes another step
Slowly she opens the door
Check that he is sleeping
Pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor
Been up half the night screaming now it's time to get away
Pack up the kids in the car
Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

And there are children to think of
Baby's asleep in the backseat
Wonder how they'll ever make it through this living nightmare
But the mind is an amazing thing
Full of candy dreams and new toys in another cheap hotel
Two beds and a coffee machine
But there are groceries to buy
And she knows she'll have to go home

Another ditch in the road
You keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

Another bruise to try and hide
Another alibi to write
Another lonely highway in the black of night
But there's hope in the darkness
You know you're going to make it

Another ditch in the road
Keep moving
Another stop sign
You keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Silent fortress built to last
Wonder how I ever made it

celebrate

2006-12-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

yeah, as the title says, yesterday was celebrate. wow. okay. i guess it was pretty alright. food was good, though the long queues just sucked. eventually i didn't even get any chicken wings. grrr.

sis came back yday. yayness. i'm supposed to meet her in half an hour at j8. catching the holiday. yupp.

i need to revert back to my pensive self. this isn't who i am. i feel so empty.

oh let us sing christmas carols! i think the corrinne may christmas cd was a good purchase.

it's a matter of national pride

2006-12-18T00:13:00.000+08:00

fear the nation of saac!!!

bow before me!

-.-

of camp, shopping, and fun times

2006-12-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

everyone's going to do a recount of what happened in camp. so if you're looking for that, search elsewhere. but you could always ask me for sermon notes! [: haha. but this year's camp was different. i guess it's cos this camp was a camp where God moved mightily, and i mean it. but you had to want to catch and meet God, or He'll pass you by. it's not like previous camps where His Presence is just so real and you get swept away even if you aren't serious. you can still go away feeling that spiritual high. but this year, i just felt that we had to press in for what we wanted, and that was what the pastors felt too. how much God touches you depends on how much you are willing to press in. it highlights the importance of going into camp, or any other service for that matter, prayed up and with an expectation.

Lord I thirst for You
I long to be in Your Presence
My soul will wait on You
Father draw me nearer
Draw me nearer
To the beauty of Your Holiness

I will wait on You
Almighty God
In the beauty of Your Holiness
I will worship You
Almighty God
In the beauty of Your Holiness

i like the old songs we sing in camp. those are the songs that mean more to me than any catchy song we sing now ever will. those are songs i sing in tawg. yeahh.

went shopping on friday with tim and bronson. took ages just to find a jacket. rahh. i'm getting my shirt on sunday. pricey stuff though, and just for a single event. well, maybe for prom next time? -shrugs. met jeann and rachael after that. they were going around stores asking if they could leave publicity for the vday event thing, so we tagged along. jeann and i left at 5.30pm, leaving bronson and rachael to ermm, continue that noble task. haha.

went back, changed and went to wenguang's place cos of gideon's party. weirdness. ended up going to play lan. hahaha. morphling's imba. oh well. went back, watched movies, went home. nothing much for me to say anyway.

and this is where the light ends.

let's ponder over the question of identity, shall we? who are you? who am i to you? bet you wished you knew who you were to me. yes. who are you. who in oblivion are you? start looking at yourself, before you start thinking everything around you is flawed. look in the mirror and see the cracks in your character and in your soul. you claim to expect so little, and you're not getting it; truth is you are getting more than that, yet you do not treasure it. you whine and complain about the times where it is in lack, yet you do not cherish the times when you have it. you claim to seek your dues, yet, i do wonder whether you do deserve it at times. you. who are you really. oh, and really. stop using me. you think my name's really great? you think it's better forging your identity off mine? you think that by claiming you are so and so's _____ you'll get far in life? stop using me. really. stop trying to impress. you make me sick. you're hanging on for all the wrong reasons; your very goals are in direct conflict with who i am, yet you have the nerve to link your idiocy back to me. i'm definitely not coming from a higher than thou point of view, and i'm not trying to make you be me, so stop thinking that i'm imposing what i want on you. i do not believe in forcing people to go a certain way. i want what's best (or what i believe is best, for i am only human and i can be wrong) but if you don't want it, you're free to walk your own road. but do not border the two distinctions and try to have the best of both worlds. you do not bear my mark. stop dragging me into your self-destruction and desolation. as of now, you have absolutely no association with me. i'm sick of you. really. but of course, i will give what i owe. 35 pushups, was it not? i'll double that in your face, and then it's goodbye. you've been harping upon it, insisting it shows your superior strength compared to mine. you think you're that good. okay, so you have more physical tolerance (i will not mention i went for a workout prior to that, cos you will choose to neglect that), but can you do 7.58 minutes for your 2.4km? have you raised anyone under you to become an sp? do i ever diss you about how slow you are or how ineffective you are? i don't. cos i know i'm blessed in areas, and i lack in certain areas. what sets me apart is that i know in my weakness His Strength will show. you don't. you hide and lie and convince everyone you're perfect. you paint that perfect picture of yourself, yet when you break, you want the entire world to pity you. you want the glory without the labour. you're everything i stand against. you've worn me out, and i'm tired of trying to be there already. come back if you're serious, if not you're free to live your life the way you do. i'm not going to find you; you come back because you know you're going down a road which i will not. you pull yourself out of the pits you fall into; i will no longer do so.

this is goodbye.

the mass exodus begins...

give thanks

2006-12-10T01:19:00.000+08:00

to sis,

thank you for everything today. really. i'm sorry for totally being unreasonable and making you worry. thanks for just being there today; for hearing me out and not being judgmental. i was bottling up too much about stuff that's happened, and i guess i just cracked today. it's been a draining period, and it's been the most trying time of the whole year despite it being the holidays. thank you for just listening, and in your silence i felt your warmth and i knew you cared. it's not about the few words you spoke, but you knew just what i needed and you gave it. it's not that i can't fight my own battles; i've done that all my life. i just need someone to heal me; the physical wounds will heal over time, the emotional and spiritual ones do not. ignoring them does not make them go away. you've been there time after time, tending to me and making sure i was ready for the next battle that i would face. i have my pride, and i've learnt never to let my guard down lest i become vunerable, but you're one that i would let through the fortress i've constructed - past the walls and gates into where i am truly who i am, where no facade exists.

it's not your words that cause me to be stronger; it's your silence that let's me know you care and understand. it's a transcendental connection we share, and i'm glad i have you. really. you know how much i hate words - they are ever so deceitful - so you speak through your actions. your arm around me was reassuring, letting me know that you'll always be there, as you've always have been. indeed, time and space cannot constrain your love. and though there are trying times for the both of us, we emerge from those strengthening the bond we have. you're just one of the few people that make me smile without reason. you know i love you, and you mean alot to me.

to you.

Stained Glass Masquerade
by Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feeling so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

when darkness turns to light

2006-12-09T00:32:00.000+08:00

Finish the sentence.

lets run through the tunnel of life
i am hot [:
i wish i could find you
i can't believe You died for me
you're such a tease
why did you have to be larger than life
i love God
i hate stuff i cannot mention here
i need a little insight that will make things right
my favourite store sells antique transformers collectibles
i am in love with the One above.
the best season of old friends, lost loves and the season of mists
i love you because you're just amazing
my best friend likes cherry trees
they are my good friends because reverse polarity overgrowth freezing field epicenter and poison nova owns
my favourite subject is literature
why is this happening at all
how am i going to risk it when the future's bleak and clouded with uncertainty
where are you now

The first word coming to mind

love me
hate you
cute 5151283
smart(ty) me
pretty boy
hot me
strong thatchinawomanwhobroketheworldrecordforweightliftingintheasiangames
short farts
famous amos
popular bookstore
my best friend is gay
my worst enemy is myself
my best family member is my wife (HAHAHAHA okay nvm)
What do you look like everythingyou'vedreamedof

the past

2006-12-08T03:51:00.000+08:00

past smses.

past photos.

past emails sent.

past phone calls.

past goodnight calls.

past msn conversations.

past face-to-face conversations.

past relationships.

past mistakes.

past laughter.

past concern.

past trust.

past love.

past redeption

lifesong

2006-12-08T02:19:00.000+08:00

went to play pool with chet and eugene today.

rushed down to yishun for the casting crowns concert, and it was worth it. the ministry there was really touching. aside from the worship which triggered the spiritual engagement and high, there was something more. it's definitely not the hype and excitement you'll get from a hillsongs concert, or fop for that matter. but somehow when the lyrics are flashed and you sing, coupled with the stories and inspiration behind them, it just makes you want to tear because the issues are so real. it forces us to take a step back from our life and reflect on what we're doing as christians, and the message of being conscious of leading a godly life becomes so poignant. there's still one more concert today, considering it's friday already. so yeah.

i am a bimbo

2006-12-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

[ ] My fingernails/toenails are almost always painted
[x] During the summer pretty much the only shoes I wear are flip flops
[ ] My favorite toy as a child were barbies
[x] My favorite color is purple, totally
[x] I did Gymnastics (in pri sch)
[x] I love skirts (i wanna wear dresses. stupid. my prom rantings.)
[ ] Hollister is my favorite place to shop
[ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans I'll wear
[x] I love chocolate (DUH!)
[x] I've never had a real job
TOTAL: 6/10

[x] My hair is straightened (it's not curly, so yeah)
[x] I have at least 8 friendster pictures (i shall upload soon)
[x] I usually go shopping once a week
[x] I love to hang out with friends
[x] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace (yeah why?)
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon
[x] I've gone to the beach to tan
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[x] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach
[ ] I change my icon weekly
TOTAL: 7/10

[ ] I wear a shower cap
[ ] I would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic
[x] My cell phone might as well become a part of me
[ ] I wear mascara everyday
[x] I've been or am on a diet
[x] Bathing suits are adorable
[ ] I don't know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[x] Big sunglasses are hot
[x] I have gotten my nails done
[ ] I own over 10 purses
TOTAL: 5/10

[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels
[x] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[ ] I love to have other girls do my hair
[x] I give and receive hugs from all my friends
[ ] I hate bugs, snakes, lizards, spiders
[x] Carnivals are so fun!
[x] Summer is THE best season
[ ] My swimsuit has 2 pieces
[x] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor
[x] Pianists are so hot.
TOTAL: 6/10

[x] You write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and i will fall for you.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I cry often
[ ] My car smells like vanilla
[x] My dishes get washed more than once a week
[ ] I don't do sports
[ ] I HATE to run
[x] I squeal when I am surprised or angry
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack
[x] I love romance novels
TOTAL: 6/10

[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute
[x] I dance a lot
[x] I usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products
[x] I love to get dressed up
[x] Every part of my outfit needs to match
[x] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends
[x] I would love to have a photo shoot of myself
[x] Price on clothes hardly matters
[ ] I apply lip gloss 50 times a day
TOTAL: 7/10

[x] I wish I were a model
[x] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton to slap her (can you say conceited?)
[ ] I have been something that was slutty on halloween
[ ] I own Uggs
[x] Hip Hop is the best music
[x] I pop my collar
[x] I like to be the center of attention
[x] Guys with Mohawks are crazy
[x] Horses are beautiful
[x] I'd rather not pay attention in school (in tjc, yeah. stupid place.)
TOTAL: 8/10

[x] Cats are adorable
[x] I write my own music/song/lyric
[x] I would love to visit Hawaii
[x] Valentine's day!
[x] White is better then black
[x] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black
[x] My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes
[x] I hate the grunge look of a beard
[ ] I love to read gossip magazines
[ ] I love to gossip
TOTAL: 8/10

[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders, posters as a kid
[x] I love Celine Dion (songs)
[ ] My bubble baths are 2 hr long
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other
[x] I like kids
[x] Diet drinks are the best (can you say diet coke? :D)
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian
[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonald's
[x] I check my friendster everyday
TOTAL: 4/10

[x] I LOVE life!
[x] I have a lot of jewellery!
[ ] Claire's has cheap jewellery
[x] My screen names have x's in them (xtian counts right?)
[x] Either one of my friendster profile has/had <3
[ ] I would never want to be the opposite sex
[x] It's not what he/she said, it's the way he/she said it
[x] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed (Exactly 3! Main pillow and 2 moo moos.)
[x] I have a stuffed toy sleeping beside me
[x] I love tidy and clean places
TOTAL: 8/10
GRAND TOTAL: 65/100

fear my bimboness. rawr.

of halves

2006-12-06T16:52:00.000+08:00

1141411510 says:
what sian 1/2. -.-
timo sian1/2 says:
sian zi pua
1141411510 says:
I KNOW LA.
1141411510 says:
lol.
1141411510 says:
but sian 1/2?!?!

lost

2006-12-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

i think i only blog at unearthly hours. i like the stillness of the night, where nothing stirs and the sound of the keys i hit seem to resonate through all eternity.

STUPID AC ADMISSION TEST! NOW I CAN'T WATCH DESIRE. AND THE CHELSEA MATCH. GRR.

i'm supposed to sleep early tonight. but i slept at 7pm waiting for jeann to call back or sth. then i woke up at 10.30pm, so i watched numb3rs, but i have that episode alr. waste my time. and i think cow think's i'm avoiding her. haha. i said "ttyl" 3 times. like when i unintentionally went to sleep, and when i went to get supper. oh well...

oh well...

oh, yeah. lost. right. lost was pretty alright. we were the first team that arrived for lunch. [: i mean, with chester, mark and myself in a group, i have only one thing to say. IMBA. lol. really. considering the other groups didn't have much sec4s. but we had a hoard of pri6s. the girls were just loud and noisy, with ear shattering shrieking voices. the only guy was just... well i shall not say. haha. kinda weird, but alright i guess.

i shall try to recall the game stations. first was zhichao's station, where we had to fish out buckets of water with hangers to fill a bottle. then it was off to the dam to smear jam on ourselves and transport cotton balls around. my beautiful nose. grr. then it was...aloysius' station. the puzzles were easy. haha. i like iq stuff. yeah. granted everyone could take them out, but i always had to put it back again for them. weirdness. then off to michelle's station for the quizzes. question 10 was sth like, "what do you do when you see a black bear?" sounds like the funny chinese textbook story when the guy played dead and his friend ran up the tree. but...there was no such option! rahhh. f was zhihao's station. finding coloured objects. like pink, green, gold, silver stuff. yeah. pretty easy. then we had station g - lunch. -.- then we went to jas por's station a to catch stuff thrown at us. when you have three fruits thrown per round, and three caps... hmm... that's not too hard eh? :D then brenda's station! stupid arrange yourselves in order to _____ kinda game. grrrr. took soooooooooo long. then back to jas por to do station c and evangelise to a person who won't listen. so we couldn't use speech. that one was fine. then finally heart attack at yvette's station. the twist was to not get 4 same numbered cards, or cards of the same pattern. rahhh. pattern?! it's not pattern. gee. i'm tired. nvm. so it ended cos we ran out of time.

then we had to make our way back to church. yours truly was a total idiot and ran back to church. i stopped halfway to flag a bus cos i felt like puking. think i didn't fully digest lunch. but the bus just drove past. so i had to run all the way back. and i made it before most came back. i beat the buses! what joy. -.- went to shower. had a short word from pda. then split into our zones for next year for a short briefing.

then we had the prize presentation. we came in third. sis' group was second. jesslim's was first. our lcell's good eh. haha. 2/3 of the top 3. i bet sis won cos she had my aura or sth. [: yeah. must be it. bronson was ohsoobviously scandaling with someone! HAHA. and then we threw mentos around that bronson wanted nth to do with. [: bronson is uber scandalous. really. there's like, the small red fruit. then there's ______, and now ______ and _______. lol. number of spaces do not mean the number of letters yeah.

WHY AM I DOING THIS WHEN I HAVE A TEST TMR?

the cure for boredom can be found in quizzes from chetwin's blog

2006-12-05T00:31:00.000+08:00

why i am giving titles like fallout boy. -.-

quizzes off chet.

1.Full Name: Wong Zhen Jie Isaac Christian
2.Name backwards: naitsirhC caasI eiJ nehZ gnoW
3.Meaning of name: go find out yourself
4. Nickname: saac
5. Screen Name: 1141411510
6. D.O.B: 160490
7. Place of Birth: singapore
8. Nationality: singaporean
9. Current Location: in front of the tablet
10. Star Sign: 5 stars. duh. [: lol.
11. Religion: it's in the name.
12. Height: 170cm.
13. Weight: 58kg
14. Shoe Size: 10
15. Hair Color: beautifully blonde. i'm a bimbo. okay, fine. it's light brown.
16. Eye Color: the colour of a pond, according to rachelteo
17. Who do you look like: ashton kutcher. swoon.
18. Innie or Outtie: somewhereinbetweenwheretherearenospaces
19. Lefty or Righty: ambidexterous
20. Gay, Straight, Bi or Others: straight, though it's highly in doubt
21. Best Friends: italo calvino, umberto eco, arthur c clarke, and all great writers
22. Best friends you trust most: sis i guess.
23. Favourite Pals: ashton! [:
24. Best Friend of opposite sex: sis.
25. Best Buddies: how many synonymous questions do you wanna ask? my pillowcase! grr.
26. Boyfriend or Girlfriend: girlfriend
27. Crush: ...i've mentioned it alr. bet you didn't see it.
28. Parents: err, what about them?
29. Worst Enemy: myself.
30. Favourite online guy: myself. i don't wanna give names lest you all get jealous. haha. [:
31. Favourite online girl: refer to number 27.
32. Craziest friend: kenneth "aunty at mcdonalds can you please deepfry my langarts notes please?" fok
33. Advice Friend: i give it, and keep none for myself.
34. Loudest Friend: any screaming girl
35. Person you cry with: God, or close friends. but usually the former.
36. Any sisters: yeah?
37. Any brothers: yeah. biological short guy listening to weird songs...
38. Any disease: closest is asthma. and you wonder how i'm a tracker.
40. Pager: ...wrong era.
41. Personal phone line: yeah.
42. Phone: sony ericsson w800i, motorola v3i razr
43. Lave Lamp: what?
44. Pool or hot tub: pool. i swim laps.
45. A car: i'm not going to own one. people will give me rides in theirs. so i don't need to drive. [:
46. Your personality: warped. really. i mean, how many people can't pick between thinker and feeler? rahh.
47. Driving: people up the wall. it's my speciality.
48. Room: i have my own, if that's what you're asking.
49. Whats missing: haha. refer to number 27.
50. School: i speak into my life. acjc. burn tjc. what kinda stupid school / ip centre is that man. lol.
51. Bed: nice and comfy.
52. Relationship with parents: pretty alright.
53. Believe in yourself: very much so.
54. Believe in love at first sight: no. that's retarded.
55. Good listener: yeah, reckon so.
56. Get along well with parents: yeah.
57. Save e-mail convos: yeah.
58. Pray: yeah.
59. Believe in reincarnation: yeah. when i use sk.
60. Make fun of people: yeah. they're jokes what. i'm evil.
61. Like to talk on the phone: err, no.
62. Want to get married: yeah.
63. Like to drive: yeah. refer to 47.
64. Motion Sickness: yeah. who doesn't get sick when seeing motion being passed? [:
65. Eat stem of broccoli: eww no.
66. Eat chicken with fork: err yeah.
67. Dream in colours: technicolour dreams.
68. Type with your fingers on home role: yeah.
69. Sleep with stuff animals: YEAH, i have a zoo!
70. Next to you: MOMO THE SCANDALOUS _____ LOVER.
71. On the walls of your room: ermm, a mirror? i did not put that up!
72. On your mousepad: i have no mousepad.
73. Dream car: MIRAGE. watch transformers! :D
74. Dream date: err, 32/13/-01 yeah. cool date right? :P
75. Dream honeymoon spot: in between timbakone and timbakthree.
76. Dream husband or wife: ASHTON! diedemidie.
77. Bedtime: ashton's bedtime! :D
78. Under your bed: giant monsters that i send to joelle to freak her out cos she's insane.
79. Single most important question: who's your daddy? lol.
80. Bad time of the day: 6am - 6pm. i'm a nightstalker.
81. Your worst fear: joelle getting ashton! ):
82. The weather: dark and scary and very nice to hunt. nighttime, time to die!
83. Time: 1.06am.
84. Date: 5th December 2006
85. Best trick did on someone: "look hot guy!" "where!" "next to you!" [:
86. Theme song: BOSTON!
87. Hardest thing about growing up: HAVING ACNE AND IT IS GROSS!
88. Funniest experience: poking charmaine!
89. Scariest experience: hey look! a very big monster!
90. Silliest thing you have ever said: i'm learnding. go banana! lisa's a girl in my school, i like chocolate.
91. Most desperate and funniest thing i have done to get the opposite sex: sex change? lol. wait, i have not done that. duh.
92. Scariest thing while you are with your friends: getting mobbed by a bunch of fans. yeah.
93. Worst feeling: wanting to puke but not being able to puke. so you taste puke. and it taste pukey! lol.
94. Best feeling in the world: gayness!

Name : saac
Birthdate : 160490
Age : 16
Blood Type : O

1) Favorite Tv Show(s)?
desire: table for three, nip / tuck, numb3rs, prison break, alias, csi, lost. well. mainly stuff on channels 18 and 19. and other stuff i get from sam.

2) Favorite Chocolate?
haigh's. from australia.

3)Ice-Cream with toppings?
nuts. not sprinkles.

4) Emotional?
i guess? i cried when i watched lakehouse, so yeah. sis didn't. X:

5) Black pen or Blue pen?
blue.

6)Computer Addict?
addiction is bad. so nope.

7) Favorite activity(s) on the Com?
dota, msn, online poker. blame 007.

8)Prefer Guys or Girls?
no preferences. eeps. i sound bi. haha.

9) 8-ball or 9-ball?
9 ball. play to my strengths of sick combination shots and position plays.

10) Ever thought of changing Hair colour?
ash green.

11)Most exciting thing that happened this week.
that will happen? my ac application. then camp.

12) Most exciting thing that happened last week.
scandalous lcell. [: not my fault.

13) Favorite Super Hero?
batman. he's the most...real of all superheroes. he has his shadowy dark side too.

14) Thought of getting married?
yeah.

15) Thought of having kids?
yeah. [:

16) How many? boy/girl?
2 pairs of twins. one pair each.

17)Music or Quietness?
a good mixture of both keeps me healthy.

18)Music Preference?
really wide range. basically anything but techno. it's a turn off.

19)Religon?
christianity.

20)Multi-tasking?
i happen to be very good at it. i doubt whether i'm a guy at such times. i'm positively androgynous.

21) Shoes or Slippers?
shoes.

22) Longs or Shorts?
shorts.

23) Cars or Bikes?
cars.

24) Favorite country?
switzerland or france.

25) Cartoon or Anime?
cartoons.

26) 12hrs or 24hrs?
24 hours.

27)If you could change the hours in a day, wad would it be?
wouldn't change it.

28) Gold/ sliver?
what sliver?! -.- gold. sells more. i get gold, sell it, and buy lots of classy looking silver stuff. yeah.

29) 3 best guy friends.
bronsoniaminconstantdenialhon
mark
dre

30) 3 best girl friends.
I WILL NOT ANSWER THIS. people who know me will know why.

31) From 1 to 10.. rank your happiness in your life.
9. i'm content. really. even with so much i could be sad about, God has been so good.

3am

2006-12-04T03:01:00.000+08:00

ever dreaded something so bad that you wished it never came? or that when it came, you're left wishing it would pass? that aptly describes my present predicament, yet the irony of it all is that i feel i'm frozen in time.

how one test can determine my future is something i have yet to get over. really.

i have to admit, that life will never be smooth sailing. but it will never be right without God. but at present i feel the need to constantly check myself and ensure that He is in control. i think i'm worrying too much - about the test; about next year; about people; about camp, and well, just about almost everything. i feel rather...lost as of late. i'm struggling to cope with a lack of security. it's just not me to feel comfortable when there's a lack of structure, security, and concrete plans. i hate the answer "i don't know". i need to know what i'm doing. i need to know where i'll be. and in all the anxiety i realise i'm drifting from God. i'm not backsliding, but i'm just taking my eyes off Him and unto the circumstances that surround me.

i love being emotional. really. i will not deny my emotions; i'm often true with them. why would anyone deny them, when your emotions are what allow you to feel God's Love?

"the joy of the Lord is your strength. smile always."

now i can trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
come in to kiss the feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross

for You have won my heart ;

if i had a penny for every thought i would be rich

2006-12-03T02:22:00.000+08:00

recount.

slept in on monday. went out with tim to play pool on tues. wed and thurs were spent at chester's house sleeping and watching mark, joshua, charles bash schoolkids up on the ps2. fri was spent meeting sis eileen and with the lcell. i maintain i did not bring anyone to dark deserted corners of marina south shopping centre. i just know it exists because i am...smart. yeah. mark's trying to steal my secret spot. i will sue.

quiz off eugene's.

SONG PLAYING AT THE A MOMENT
-love song for a savior

REASONS FOR LIVING?
-God; jer 29:11

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE OK?
-i'm not okay. i'm the reason why the aircon does not work.

EVER DONATED BLOOD?
-to 6 legged female insects.

ACCESSORIES YOU USUALLY WEAR
-ring, wristband, necklace, hairband (when i had longer hair...)

ONE SONG TO DESCRIBE A HEARTBREAK IN THE PAST
-iris (i bet you couldn't tell)

LAST PLACE YOU WENT TO
-serene or the toilet, take your pick

LAST PERSON YOU WENT OUT WITH
-sis eileen / the lcell. macs doesn't count.

MOST EXCITING SPORT
-cow hunting. [:

EVER HAD A BABY?
-yeah, of course. sbs what. what were you thinking?

MOVIE YOU WANNA WATCH
-flags of our fathers, saw3 (stupid r21 nonsense)

ANY PIERCINGS?
-used to. long story. and my nice sis is to shut up and stop smiling to herself now.

ACT ON STAGE BEFORE?
-duh.

STRUCKED BY LIGHTNING BEFORE?
-yeah, you know in the last dota game the stupid lightning revenant attacked me but got owned. it counts right?

DANCED WITH YOUR LOVED ONES BEFORE?
-yeah. dance with my Father and small kids

EVER WISHED YOU COULD TURN BACK TIME?
-definitely

ONE SONG THAT IS MEANINGFUL TO YOU
-josh groban's you are loved

MISSING SOMEBODY NOW?
-i'm perennially missing someone or the other

WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING TOMORROW?
-go for d&d, have dinner, call sis

EVER THOUGHT OF ROBBING A BANK?
-no. that's stupid. "i'd marry and old rich person and hopes he/she dies fast so i get the money" -someone. that's a...better idea i guess.

ONE THING YOU TOTALLY REGRET DOING?
-our most painful regrets often come from what was not done.

DO PEOPLE LIKE YOU?
-stupid superficial question. of course they do. well, some don't. whatever (i'm turning bimbotic)

WHAT WAS THE LAST GAME YOU PLAYED ON COMPUTER?
-dota / minesweeper flags with cow.

IS THERE SOMEONE WHO MEANS ALOT TO YOU FOR THE MOMENT?
-yeah? why do they make these questions sound scandalous when my answers are not?

DO YOU HATE SOMEONE AT THIS MOMENT?
-don't like, but not hate.

WHAT DO YOU WISH TO HAPPEN NOW?
-go figure.

LAST TIME YOU ATE PIZZA?
-class lunch on the last week of school

DO PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE WIERD?
-you are one of those imbeciles that can't spell WEIRD. weird is good. mhmm. so there.

MOVIES NOW SHOWING THAT YOU HATE?
-the hilary duff chick flick, that one, that one, the other one. oh, and this one too.

MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR ROOM?
-something green! but it's not always in my room. but who cares? [:

WHO IS THE PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW?
-God, the signified of the signifier known as the green thing in my room, and 8.5 [:

EVER CALLED A PERSON USELESS?
-i think if i were to be critical, i'd use worse words. not sure though. oh wait, yeah. the noobs that play dota.

of memory

2006-12-03T02:14:00.000+08:00

without desire.

craig craig wake up look i have marbles ahh more marbles there's a wooden stick figure right there hang on i gotta go in like matrix slow motion you dodged the bullet neo now you will die by chainsaw look a very big monster a big monster a big monster let's let the japanese take care of it banana yellow brown overalls do you want to play the piano with me i don't really want to but i beg you listen elton john i'm sick of you so i'm quiting the beatles i don't want the beatles i want the cockroaches but the cockroaches are out of business cockroaches cockroaches crayons crayons crayons crayons cockroaches we won't die we won't die if you chop off our heads ahh watch out nuclear power office spaces are very wonderful for the office spaces i often thought when i was sitting at my desk the desk when i was alone alone that i was very lonely lonely and there she lay and and what did you do i hit her with a beanbag oh you criminal society society jim help me you are in jail for twelve years twelve twelve twelve such an odd number right i like beans listen partner there ain't enough rounds for the two of us then i'll just leave geez you want some cinnamon before you go haha i have fooled you the cinnamon was actually basil oh my god now you will die from basil poisoning courtney courtney get me my gun i am courtney get me my gun no wahahahaha then i'll just get it myself but the gun was missing baboom treetops and treeforts our society has now ended die british die i shall chant my holy powers to defeat the british go moses go moses m o a ozis ozis ozis ozis moses and the water parted and the fishes died oh i am the british and moses defeated me and suddenly oil spilt everywhere and everyone got acne and it was gross i'm very sad and everyone became nerds for the rest of their lives

all from memory

tell me

2006-11-27T16:24:00.000+08:00

tell me if it was all worthwhile. what happened to you? you were up there one moment, and out the back door the next. four became three, and you wanted to become one with another. just look at what you've become, will you? you've left us for someone else. we're not against her, but we're against you ditching us all for her. is it really worth it? i can't look you in the eye now. you disgust me, really. i thought you were above this. is there only room in your life for one? what about those of us who were there from the start? are we nothing to you now?

if this is how it is, then so be it. i think i've bottled up long enough. really. the others might not say anything about it. but you know i won't do that. it's not me. and it doesn't mean we'll cut all ties. just know, that when you've finally seen the light and realised that it won't work out, we'll be here for you. we've always been, you know, with open arms.

cos you were one of us.

singing songs

2006-11-27T14:22:00.000+08:00

When I'm Missing You
by A1

Sunday morning,time to say goodbye
But I'll be home real soon
Though I'm leaving
Girl don't start to cry
I'll be thinking of you

It's a lonely ride on a midnight train
I'm counting down the days till I'm home again

How can i sing when my words have run dry
How can i smile with a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels when I'm missing you

Now time ain't healing
Another week gone by
Girl, It feels like a year
I've been calling, every day and night
How I wish you were here

It's a lonely ride on the midnight train
I'm counting down the days till I'm home again

How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile with a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels when I'm missing you.

I've never met a girl who was so damn sweet
Can't wait to see you again oooh
I never had a love that was so complete
And you know that I'll be dreaming till then
Oh my baby...

I said tell me now baby,
How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile it's a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels when I'm missing you

of matches and letters

2006-11-27T02:06:00.000+08:00

how amusing. i walk by and ask what's the score and chelsea equalise. how cool. [: pretty good match overall, 1-1. though eugene will say man utd should've won, i'm not going to bother saying chelsea should've won because we know it. haha. words are only words, after all. they don't change the scoreline. happy watching from bangkok!

i shall do a quiz then head to bed. hmmm. wasn't watching the second half but replying cow's letter. grrr. and my reply's long. so there.

1)How old do you wish you are?
old enough to make my own decisions, young enough to be free
2)What do you do when the vending machines steals your money?
call the company for a refund. seriously.
3)Do you count yourself kind?
...you think? at times, i reckon. that's at best. i'm evil, you should know that.
4) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
i'm already fluent in speaking the cow language; i talk to cows. and other animals too! hmmm. french. [:
5) Do you know your neighbours?
guess so.
6) Do you follow your horoscope?
how do i put this...? no.
7) Would you move for the person you loved?
i guess? (oh see past the nonchalance)
8) Do you believe that opposites attract?
at times. not always. there's a balance. think i've blogged about this before, somewhere.
9) Favorite channel(s)?
16-19, 60. occasionally 23 and 24. haha. you know what those are right?
10) Favorite place to go on weekends?
church. but not serene. grrr. macs will kill me and get me fat.
11) Showers or Baths?
baths! long nice hot baths!
12) Do you paint your nails?
yeah, black. i'm emo and stuff. i'll get eyeliner too! -.-
13) Do you trust people easily?
yeah. surprisingly. actually, no. but i have a good sense of judgment so i know who i can trust, and i trust those people easily. yupp. makes sense?
14) What are your phobias?
ask sis. she has a list i think.
15) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
used to. not now. we have stupid blogs like these. i keep a mental journal though.
16) Where would you rather be right now?
someone i shall not tell you cos this is public. [: go figure.
17) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
HAHAHAHA. not telling you. duh.
18) Heavy or light sleeper?
somewhere in the middle.
19) Are you paranoid?
gee. cow definitely thinks so.
20) Are you impatient?
no. my acts of 'impatience' are perfectly justified. waiting 2 hours for a cab isn't patience; it's stupidity. so there.
21) What's your favorite pick-up line?
i'm too good for those. [: haha. kidding. i think they're stupid, so i'll stick to "hi." works everytime! seriously. esp with 18 year old people. eeps.
22) What's your main ring tone on your mobile?
mae - giving it away.
23) What were you doing at midnight last night?
waiting for cow to get online, watching tv, smsing. yeah.
24) What did the last text on your cellphone say?
"Haha. i dunno la. doesn't matter. it's still so long more. i'm gonna sleep already:) nights _____" _____ is censored for obvious reasons. wait, you might think wrong. it's just something i am not. yeah.
25) Most recent movie you watched?
casino royale. eeps. now i'm hooked on online poker!!! hahahaha. and i'm good okay!
26) Name three things you have on you at all times?
handphones, ring, specs (?) / clothes. -.-
27) What color are your bed sheets?
too lazy to check. my room light's almost never on anyway. and i only go in when it's dark and time to sleep. don't blame me for not knowing.
28) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
wing? breast sounds wrong but it's the part which i ask for when i order chicken rice.
29) I can't wait till...
_____________________________________. it's censored. and not one word. go figure.
30) How tall are you barefoot?
170.5cm
31) Do you own a gun?
watergun counts? i think my uber supersoaker's in the storeroom. [:
32) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
milk / milo.
33) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
_____land. hahaha. okay, pardon my weird fantasies. backpacking somewhere in the world i guess? that's ideal though.
34) Last thing you ate?
the mints they give at fish&co.
35) Does someone have a crush on you?
...don't wanna answer this. haha. we all know the answer to it. -.-
36) What's your favorite candy?
NOT CANDYCANES. -.- 18's enough. gummiworms!! or gummibears! or marshthingies! lol okay. i'm sleepy.
37) If you have three wishes, what would they be?
"first i want a million dollars, then a mudbath, then peace and harmony among all the tribes of the island." -timon, from timon and pumbaa! i love that show.
okay seriously. i will not tell you. if you know me you should know. haha. at least one, right?

you are in jail for twelve years.
i'm very sad.
twelve.
twelve?
twelve. such an odd number right?
i like beans.

days and dates

2006-11-25T00:35:00.000+08:00

i don't think this post belongs in this blog. but oh well.

i think i owe quite a few people birthday presents and all, and it got me started on wondering why such events were so significant and relevant to us. in reality, it is only but the marking of another year of existence; an alarm bell sounding out to us in the form of gift wrapped presents that we have one year less to live.

why the presents, and celebrations? why the cake and the wine? why the lunches and dinners? (pardon my cynicism; you know you'll get used to it.) what does the signifier signify? is there really cause to celebrate? each passing year you know you've lost more - friends, youth, the life that runs through your veins.

it is just a day. any other ordinary day. it is a day where people were born, are born, and will be born. there is nothing much unique about it, is there? you share the same birth day as many other people. nothing sets you apart. you are but one of 6 billion people in the world. that leaves an approximate average of 1.6 million people that share the same birthday as you.

but with each passing birthday and year, you know you've lasted one more year on this earth. you know that you exist in time, and you have the ability to make a difference with each day of your life. you realise that you feel emotions running through you, and you're so lost, but realise there is safety, comfort and solace in the arms of a loving God and Father. it means that there's still time to save the ones you love.

though it means you've been through more and lost more, you know that you've gained as well. you've seen more places, learnt more about the world and the human condition. you've made more connections with people, some of which turn into friends, and maybe more. it means you've made more people smile. it means that you've made the days of more people.

more than all that, it means you have not yet reached your destiny.

replies

2006-11-25T00:26:00.000+08:00

haha. this counts as a blogpost.

joelle: no, you are scandalous. how are you ever going to explain to _____ if eugene becomes infertile?! haha. and you don't have crushes, only obsessions. [: that's enough proof that you are.

xue er: hmmm, TAWA, TAWS, TAWD. they exist, at present, as information that is confidential. but you are entitled to ask and find out on a non-public platform. haha.

eugene: YES. 8.5!!!! i have a brilliant plan. you know jerseys with numbers? let's go get! except ours will have 8.5 at the back! [: hahaha.

updates as demanded

2006-11-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

joelle is scandalous. she ermm... cut off eugene's genealogy.

hahaha. let's have a debate on that. [:

chalet was pretty alright. chet, eugene and i invented a new sport. it's confidential though. and the pool outlet there sucks. the tables suck, and there are rubbishly long queues (not cues). haha. pardon the terrible pun. i shall admit, for once, i'm drunk on air. wait, no, i'm sleepy.

yeah. swam, played basketball, played bridge mostly. the kids rented DOA on the last night. BEACH VOLLEYBALL with girls in bikinis. -.- hormonal kids. eugene and i went walking around playing the new sport. but there was not enough people, so it wasn't fun. oh well...

went to sentosa today for joelle's birthday thingus. rahhh. i shall summarise what happened.

1) people were scandaling. and doing ermm, TAWA/TAWJ/TAWS/TAWD or whatever else there was. haha.

2) 8.5!!!!! swoooooon. right eugene? 8.5 is goooooooood. [: 8.5! 8.5! eightpointfive!!!!

3) birthday dinners are not meant to be had at kopitiam. mhmm. -.-

i'm too lazy to blog!!!

okay, i'm not. i need to read my secret letters from like, a cow that can write. shhh. not bad right? i'm going to win a noble prize for unveiling the writing cow.

2006-11-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

waiting for cow to get online so i can send her her letter and not be ermm, chased for it across the next few days.

lce in 90 minutes. and i haven't eaten.

busy busy.

i'm having weird dreams... nice dreams. but well, they'll only be dreams. dreams are dreams for a reason.

i'm listening to mae. lol. i think i like old songs. as in i'll like the songs more after 2-3 years and start listening to them over and over again. [:

surge at mos

2006-11-19T02:39:00.000+08:00

...you think people would have more brains than to do this.

more thoughts on this at a later time.

off to bed.

left behind

2006-11-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

all the hype about the multiplication is slowly but surely dying down, and i still don't know where i'm going next year. thanks alot. parents are at adam, but there are alot of other factors that affect my decision.

1) acjc application. i'm still not sure whether i'll be in next year. admission test on 6th dec. and i'll know within a week. meaning that i'll know after camp on the 13th. thanks alot for giving me less than 3 weeks to decide my entire future for the next year or so ahead. grrr.

2) whether i'm staying back in z1. it's pending my acjc application, lest i cannot cope with the transition into another school and all. rahhhh. so annoying. so that's not within my control too!!!

3) where i am going to be next year: adam / pl. this decision is only to be made after i clear the first two issues!!! and so it all starts from the application to acjc. rahhh.

i'm starting to panic cos i feel i don't have enough time to think it through. i feel i don't have enough time to throughly sort out my thoughts; to pick my fragmented pieces of the puzzle out of the maelstrom spinning madly that is time.

it all goes back to whether i trust God's hand or not. whether i will let Him guide me through all these. jer 29:11 has become etched in my heart across recent weeks. to have faith in that promise, and see it through knowing God has the best in mind for me is the challenge ever so daunting.

and then there are other issues to settle. i think i'm going to let go of it. it's slowly but surely killing me. i'm holding on too much... aren't i? i think i am.

if you'd be honest and say what you mean
you know i would promise i'd do anything
cos i know that without you
i'm giving it away

buzzword for camp

2006-11-16T22:53:00.000+08:00

been pooling alot these days. with kf, chet, eugene, lenice, joanna teo, clem, tim. rahhh. i think i'm going broke.

i don't blog much. so don't expect updates if you've just come here from eugene's blog. haha.

been asking God about camp and next year. alot of decisions lie ahead, and i'm still not sure where my future lies, really. but i know that He'll take me through whatever comes. and yeah, people are sad that friends are going to the centre that they're not. but i do question whether distance can destroy a friendship. are we so fixated on our own spaces that anywhere outside our boundary or comfort zone cannot be reached? are those areas we do not explore those we never will? are things in those areas of grey things we never want to see again?

i believe that true friendships stand the test of time. be it pl or adam, if the friendship is true, and God-centered, it will last. that's what i've learnt at least. that if God's not the centre of a relationship, it often ends up going wrong somewhere.

and God's given me a word to pray over and think through for camp. there's just an excitement that exudes from the birthing of something you know God has orchestrated. i truly hope we will emerge that new generation...

hmmm. going out with sis tmr. then chalet across the weekend till tues...

might i remind new readers not the judge based on blogs because blogs are very deceptive. i can make you think i am something i am not by typing the way i do. for more proof, contrast this to this.

love you? tell me how.

2006-11-12T22:27:00.000+08:00

title adapted off a short story.

talked to jo last night after she disappeared to god-knows-where and refused to tell me and scared the living daylights out of me. sis says i wasn't being overly protective or whatever. so there. hello, she called me saying she's home at like, 12:30am?!?! sighh. and cow was like, it's singapore. what could happen. -.- it's still not safe la.

talked about stuff until 2ish, 3 thereabouts. went to sleep cos we had d&d today. during the phone call, i guess certain issues propped up and i'm just deeply unsettled. i don't know, but my value system's something i hold on to more than most things. and when i don't agree with stuff people do, there's bound to be conflict.

and where does one draw the line saying "this is more than i can take"?

i've been thinking - love isn't just about loving one part or aspect of the person. it's not just looks, beliefs, values, or any other single attribute. it's accepting the whole person - flaws, imperfections, and all.

i want to hold on. really. believe me when i say i do. but i don't know if i can.

i guess i'll just pray and let God take control. i have no idea where this is going nor do i know where it's leading. but i know that He has plans for me; plans to prosper me and not to harm me; plans to give me a hope and a future. and in that future, i hope you'll be in it.

that someday it will lead me back to you ;

love

2006-10-31T20:03:00.000+08:00

love so pure
love so perverse

love so selfless
love so selfish

love so loyal
love so fickle

love so truthful
love so deceitful

love so true
love so pretencious

love so beautiful
love so revolting

love so welcomed
love so shunned

love so promising
love so foreboding

love so emcompassing
love so empty

love so intertwined
love so disperate

love so close
love so distant

love so caring
love so hurtful

love so eternal
love so transient

love; the beginning
love; the ending

love; everlasting
love; it's over

love; me myself i
love; all about you

i; (love)
you; (forever)

******

and his head spun; everything was a whirligig of thoughts and emotions. the night had been wonderful, dinner was posh, and the ride back home. he opened the door for her.

with one hand she held his, and flowers he had given her when he picked her up in the other. her heart now throbbing wildly. would this be the moment?

he led her to the park bench, and they sat gazing at the starlit sky. the constellation - something so beautiful only God could have created.

she sat. her hand now trembling - in fear and in anticipation. up above, angels watched as their wings sparkled and lit the sky. love - something so beautiful that only God could have created.

he was at a loss for words, everything was a blur. this was the moment. don't lose it. seize it. grab it. now or never. don't lose it.

"i..."

was he going to? right here? right now? could this be? what would she say? how would she respond? her head and heart ceased to listen to reason.

he parted his lips slightly. he looked into her eyes; he was lost, transfixed.

his gaze captured her's. she took his hand.

"i..."

now or never.

"i love you."
"i love you."

the sound resonated deep into the night as their lips met.

(see why i'm not cut for romance? haha. i will never write romance stories, so don't sue me.)

paris

2006-10-31T19:49:00.000+08:00

nothing in this world can stop us tonight
i can do what she can do so much better

with a title like that you must question whether it's rlly isaac blogging. haha. it's the hols alr. [: but no one wants to go out with me cos everyone has o's. bronson claims dec is spend time with the bestie month, but there's camp and all. doubt the parents will let me go overseas twice. rahhh. my parents are going for camp. sigh. where's the independence?! granted they're going to help out, but still, i'd rather be left alone and not have my movements tracked. it's not that i have stuff to hide, might i add. and people look at you differently (be it good or bad) cos your parents are around. it is just ever so annoying.

i'm bored. and in case no one noticed, the "i'm bored" in the prev post is hyperlinked to a quiz site. go do it. haha. [:

love in 10 (not restrictive, duh):
1) lit anthologies.
2) appearing offline to make it seem as if you've gone off to sleep.
3) i bet you're sleeping.
4) shark's fin.
5) biophy > biochem
6) red and white.
7) promise me it won't turn into nothingness.
8) 89/119 and 37/46
9) eighty one twenty three sixty seven five and i forgot the other one.
10) cos i say so. [:

haha. <3

yet i dare not say those three words. why? i don't know. sis says if i end up with anyone else she'll kill me. i think i'll kill myself first. but still... doubt lingers.

i feel poetic.

quizzes

2006-10-26T18:13:00.000+08:00

i'm bored.

i feel loved

2006-10-25T10:55:00.000+08:00

isaac went into a state of hysteria for 5 minutes last night. the reason, though seemingly apparent to some, cannot be disclosed.

hmmm. should i be safe and fill in my subject combination form? i wasn't even paying attention at the talks and all. if i don't it means if my application to ac fails (which it should not!!!!) i am screwed. hmmm. but i don't even know what to take next year. annoyance. tj is just screwed. what kinda subject is china studies?! and why can't you take it with history? makes no sense. and it's taught by my retard of an ss teacher who salivates as much dog on a hot day. disgusting ppl in tjc. he cannot give decent and reliable grades rlly. i failed ss in term 2 for not participating in an unknown online forum. crazy idiot.

supposed to go shopping on fri with a bunch of mg girls. how did i get dragged into it? hmmm. i only know the candy cow and jeann. eeps. oh well. what am i going to do while girls shop?! gee. i know. i'll get jess lim and walk around lingerie shops. -.- (inside joke anw)

rahhh. vic's wedding over the weekend. sis insists i cried. i refuse to comment. but weddings are just wonderful. i use to hate weddings cos i doubted how two ppl could actually live together for that long a time. but i guess i've changed. love does wonders. haha. i wonder who i want to spend my life with... hmmm...

brian says he wasn't drunk JASMINE green tea today. insane. deprived person.

life is good. [:

kevin is a wuss

2006-10-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

i am peeved and amused. i refuse to be fully pissed at such an idiot. i will give a sermon on why kevin sucks. please read and pray and meditate on it. you know it is true.

1) he can't play dota. let's see. he uses my build to play vengeful and he claims he is good. i say the BUILD is good. he'd be pumping the useless skill called howl if i didn't tell him not to. and he thinks he's good.

2) i have friends in high places. "come la! i get bro aloy!" "bro aloy is pro!" "bro aloy owns mark yong!" yes, who is that again? ALOYSIUS? is your name aloysius?! hahaha. your name is wuss. get it right dear boy. if you take aloysius against me, i'll just take wesley. we'll see who wins. your adult leader, or my WCG friend. idiot. you wanna play 5v5? sure. i'll take wes, clem, mark, and ben. you can take your charles and whoever else. get owned wuss. really.

3) dota is a team game. therefore kevin refuses to fight isaac 1v1. to that, i say bull. really. if you wanna play a TEAM GAME. refer to point two. [:

4) "i'm so pissed with you i'll play on the opposite team!" sure. you did that for two times before that game. and i remind you, you got thrashed bad by me? your anti-mage and sven got owned by my queen of pain and morphling. you little wuss. you make no sense whatsoever. haha. i am amused.

5) i have no response to your genius so i leave msn and the game. yupp. enough said yes? bye wuss!! [:

intentions

2006-10-20T15:16:00.000+08:00

sometimes i don't say what i feel mean because i don't like being open and frank about things. i'm a person who you have to read into and catch what i actually mean because i never say things openly, unless i know i can.

when you're frank and direct, ppl often criticise you for being too harsh and to the point. and they say you don't take other ppl's feelings into consideration.

when you're not, ppl often misconstrue what you say and it never gets across right.

i'm getting incessantly peeved at a certain someone across the last few weeks. alot has to do with miscommunication. but still... i honestly expect the person to know me more than that. and if that is not reality, then i think it's the end of the road from here. i'm tired. i don't wish to continue this really. let's just move on peacefully and just pretend we never knew each other. every benefit has a price. yeah, you may be someone close to me that i can trust easily. but at the same time, alot of the things you say hurt. and somehow alot of what you talk about is just on the surface of things. i guess what i really want in friendships is to be understood and to understand ppl. yeah trust is impt, but you can only trust someone you understand and all. you don't trust someone whose motives you don't comprehend or agree with.

i guess i'm just hurt and tired. really. i'm not going to be emo and make a big fuss out of it. i'm just going to back off. sooner or later, it'll cool down, and we'll start off - but on our separate ways.

i just don't want to talk about it right now. i'm putting it out of my head and moving on. have a good life ahead of you.

ahhh

2006-10-18T15:22:00.000+08:00

it's someone's birthday party on sat.

why do i resolve not to go clubbing?

why do i resolve not to drink?

it's once again a question of what i believe in...

animal noises

2006-10-18T15:08:00.000+08:00

moo. says:
MY EYES ARE BIGGER THAN YOURS
cows are great creatures. says:
nonsense.
cows are great creatures. says:
[:
moo. says:
ROAR
cows are great creatures. says:
moo, you can't roar.

eoys screwed

2006-10-18T14:44:00.000+08:00

the teachers suck. really. in order to prepare us for jc life, they start giving out shit results in the eoys. really. chem paper mean was 36?! and i don't take chem. but still...

they claim that in jc, you'll do really badly. and i've seen the year 1s die badly. highest for gp and econs in mid year was like, B? so yeah. over thirty people got below 45 for math and have to go back in the hols for remedial. i got 45, so i don't. God is just amazing. i should have taken paper 2!! all my pet topics! p&c, probability, matrices, integration, differentiation, problem solving. only thing i'm not good at is vectors. and kien wei scored full for that paper. rahhh. if i had taken i bet my average score would be like, above 60. and the mean is 55. though it's screwed cos the people at the top are just super zai. prcs and all. rahhh. nonsense la.

i think my eoys are screwed really. they're gonna pull my overall results down by alot. 58 for lang arts?! and i'm top 10% alr. my essay was screwed, so was compre. and i never had that ominous feeling like sth would go wrong for me. sighh. maybe i'm losing my touch.

i'm contemplating giving up on scoring well and just focus on doing what i want - learning. i never really believed in exams, or believed that grades are the definitive factor of who you are. many ppl just don't get it. when you die at the end of the day (figuratively speaking), ppl don't remember you for your psle score, l1r5, 4As, diplomas, masters, etc... they remember you for who you were as a person. whether you were a good friend, whether you had integrity, whether you dared to pursue your own dreams and be different, whether you were scheming and backstabbing ppl, and all that you did.

i wanna wake up where you are
i won't say anything at all
so why don't you slide ;

uni

2006-10-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

i need to go to uni soon man. i think i'm screwing my results up. i dno what's happening la. i somehow failed bio, and i barely passedg geog. it's just scary. and it's not like i didn't work hard for those papers... i have an exact 50% pass for chinese, but the mcq is just stupid. 16/50 marks. who gives 3 marks per mcq for cloze?! my li jie wen da was not bad, but i failed p1 and got the same score for p2 for compo. so it's 90/180. bull man. really bull.

i really can't figure out what's not right. bio i had to get a marker that is positively pms and is not loved by anyone. who penalises you for drawing a genetic diagram in pencil (and everything else is fine) and for not defining an allele according to the question. it's not english vocab where you explain the bolded/highlighted word?! you must state that the allele is found on the mussel and dno what crap la. rahhh. super pissed. i think this is going to affect my entry into ac.

i'm getting paranoid. the lady from ac called and said i have to take a chinese placement test along with eng and math cos i'm failing chinese. well, i'm not bad at chinese. i just don't hand up my weekly bao zhangs and alot of other homework. but i score okay, unless it's mcqs which are stupidly weighted. seriously.

geog was just bad. going through other papers tmr. sighh. i don't wanna think abt how i did. really. when i do badly, and i know it, yeah, it's a bad sign. but when i don't think i'm gna do badly and i do, sth's really wrong. i got the feeling i did well for bio and geog, and this is how it turns out. maybe i felt bad after math, and i scored 95! i wish.

lang arts paper tmr. i cannot get lower than 75 or i will scream. my language proficiency is out the drain man. sighh. mr tan gave this emo speech in class today, which kind of reflected my views. the stunned look on my peers' faces tell me they obviously have not. competitive idiots who only care about grades. and you feedback that there's not enough bonding. how to bond when all you want to do is stab ppl in the back? sighh. education system is too demanding and unforgiving. there's no second chance when you fail. rlly.

jo's having exams this week. i hope she does better than i do. so much for studying. i think i cannot do exams. mr tan agrees as well. not that i suck, but more like i would do well if left alone to learn and all. i mean, my bio paper, i know all the answers, well most at least. it's just a matter of "correct phrasing" and a stupid marker. it's not that i don't get what's being taught. i just lack the ability to translate it into what the exam demands? like the post says, when i get to uni, i know i will thrive. independent study and research. that's my cue and time to shine.

i will hear and obey

2006-10-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

haha. that's what too much dota does to your head man! i'm serious! late night dota-ing with timo, clem, lix, kev, ben, mal, marcus, and others.

woke up at 7.30am to go down to play soccer with tim, clem, ben, jam, marcus, nic, khing, wesley and mal. the stupid field at acsi is made of fake grass! and it has stupid black stuff which enters your shoes and all. just gross. went to play dota at bukit timah plaza after that. i think the vengeful and veno combi works better with clem tha with mark. eeps. weirdness.

church yday was good. i still haven't talked to jeann properly yet. stupid interruptions. kids went jamming. wet back to serene after dota with mark, chest, gab, darryl, abel and keith. met sarah and lydia there. i need to catch up with sis soon. yeah. hmmm. did math with the twins...

yeah. quite a boring weekend. o's please be over soon!

end of exams

2006-10-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

it's the end of exams! well, it was for me two days ago. skipped math paper 2 and history on the mc.

no marking days! i mean, how can you not give marking days?! we're supposed to go back to sch to sit down until dno what time, then leave. like who on earth wants to do that? i'd rather sleep, than play dota on my tablet. rlly.

puking spree

2006-10-09T23:10:00.000+08:00

sigh. it's been a bad weekend. been puking alot. ever since sat.

can't study. i'm hungryyy. how to study??? i'm going to take mc for the next two days. hopefully they'll count math paper 1 x2, then i'll be fine. and hist ca mark is like, A? lol. good reasons to pon exams...

but that's not who i am. i'm going to sleep at 12, and pray that everything goes well tmr...

hyde

2006-10-09T13:42:00.000+08:00

i'm really sick of not being able to focus because i'm too distracted by other things. but you cannot just remove certain things from your head.

i need to focus. but all the doubts just keep coming back. all the questions of "is it worth it?" are just constantly flooding my head.

i think my greatest challenge in this period, is not the exam papers, it's myself. i feel so jekyll and hyde at times. i feel the constant need to suppress my hyde and pretend that i am that respectable figure when i'm not. since i promised i'd leave my philosophical nonsense out of this blog, i will not go on about the duality of man and whatnot.

focus isaac focus. you're only on page 21 of differentiation. you still have vectors, matrices, integration, p&c, and probability to go. the last two are my lifelines in the math exam. but i seemed to have forgotten everything alr. i'm such a genius. i shall finish studying math by dinner.

i feel like going for a run soon. but no one runs with me, cos everyone else... just doesn't?

what if i wanted to give up now? after the wait, is it worth it? it's just rlly tiring and draining. and it's just hurting so much. and i don't know how on earth i managed to hold on this long. yes, ppl'll say that since you've come this far, why give up now? but it's the opportunity cost. i'm tired of being noble. i'm tired of trying to create that land of far far away in your fairytale. i'm tired of always trying to be there when you need me, even at 4am which i would never in my life dream i would do for anyone else. i'm tired of how you only talk to me if you have the time.

maybe i feel it's unjustified, and i'm giving too much. but this doesn't change the fact that i love you. (and if you idiots are going ooh and ahh, please stop thinking stupid) i do the things i do because i love and care abt you. rlly. but sometimes it's just so hard to hold on. i rlly don't know how i survived thus far.

i don't know. God, what do you want? was this what you meant be letting go? i wanna talk abt it, yet i don't. i don't care. after the exams i resolve to lead a carefree life without any distractions...

but till then, math and history stand in my way.

dreams

2006-10-08T16:28:00.000+08:00

hahaha. dang. it was just a dream.

i had a nice dream last night. it was...weird though. i was supposedly attached to someone else, but it was quite weird really. (holding hands never felt so wrong) what nonsense. rahh. so much for dreams being the manifestations of our subsconscious desires... i absolutely beg to differ. i do not spend my time thinking about possible people to pair myself up with. much less when i have 2 more papers.

no fuel yday. so i hung out with the kids. was quite a bad day really. ate duck noodles, drank green tea and ran over to sbc immediately to play soccer. rahh. in a shirt and jeans. felt like puking after that. went to macs after that. hung out with chet and eugene. mo disappeared to dno where, supposedly with gracie. dylan and someone were looking everywhere for him, even the toilets. haha. hilarious. and they both appeared back together. hmmm... i think i need to go to lower sec fuel and give a talk on scandals. rahhh. [:

had supper with chet, chester, eugene, dylan, kevin, and dylan's friend (gabriel i think). the oyster omelette at toh yi's like... oyster + omelette?! and it's 5bucks. rahh. waste my money.

played dota with kevin until 2am. games were bad. really laggy.

history and math paper 2 left. no school tmr cos i don't take chem. [:

hahahaha

2006-10-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

okay. i shall continue posting the stupid convo here. it's insanity.

someone: squarer than square.
me: rahh. whatever ______!
me: hmph.
someone: wow. you know my name!
someone: excellent that you managed to grasp that concept.
me: i shall leave you alone. and go to bed. and you'll miss my company. hahahahaha. [:
someone: yeah right.
someone: you wish.
me: (this sounds familiar...)
someone: i'll throw a party
someone: yes it does
me: HEYYY.
me: mean pok.
me: hmphhh.
someone: oh i care what you think...
someone: and i think median sounds nicer than mean
someone: mean is so average
someone: median has a ring to it
me: you modal person
someone: model.
someone: yes
someone: i know
someone: i'm terribly model-ly i'm afraid
someone: everything i do is model

exams

2006-10-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

chinese tmr. rahhh.

i'm smiling insanely now. don't ask why. haha. _____ so cute! _____ thinks i said hi as an excuse to talk to _____. hahahahaha. so funny.

let's see. math today was bad. well, not really. left 20marks worth of qns half done or undone. well, wrote nonsense so hopefully i'll get marks somewhere. on the bright side, i supposedly can do 80marks worth of questions. wonderful.

lang arts was pretty good. essay was tough, but i think i'll do well. i think i might have strayed out of point though. broad statement to begin with. compre was just easy. august issue of the economist. haha. article on the newspaper. read it when sam was around, while driving to the expo fair thing. yeah. it was good. raghav read it 5 times before getting it. [:

hahaha. now _____ just implied i'm dumb, which is so not true. so much for reading in between the lines.

me: shall i leave you alone?
someone: fie fie! what, are you mad?
someone: err, sorry.
someone: hmm
someone: yes. i would prefer never to be disturbed ever again. hahaha. i live for myself and unto myself. i shall have no human contact with anyone for the rest of my life!
someone: -evil laughter-
someone: okay nvm.
someone: moment of madness
me: haha. that's oh so not common yeah?
someone: hey!
someone: what are you trying to imply?
someone: i refuse to talk to a narrow-minded cube like you!
someone: hmph
me: why am i a cube!!!

rahhhh. haha. whee. okay nvm. chinese! wo hui jiang wo yu. lydia claims her chinese isn't good. what rubbish! she watches dno how many ch8 serials. if her chinese is rubbish, mine's...unrecyclable material? lol.

mooncakes

2006-10-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

the aunts came over yday to make mooncakes. yay. there's a nice box of pandan mooncakes for me to snack on while i study.

lang arts is pretty alright. it's math i'm worried about. no, i know i'll be fine. i'll be fine. i'll be fine.

haha. chasing cars is playing over and over again. i'm addicted to emo songs i tell you.

emo conversations!

me: hello dear emo girl.goodnight.
someone: why am i a dear emo girl?
me: err. no idea. [:
me: cos you are.
someone: you're so random
me: don't argue. :P

rahhh. <3

i think love is addictive. or if i can call it love. -shrugs. i feel high and bouncy now. mhmm. i feel like a repressed social reject who has no friends at times. haha. strangeness. i don't know. i think it's more cos i don't wanna talk to ppl. or rather i only want to talk to certain ppl. that doesn't make sense.

hmmm. i'm bored. so here's a things to do list after the exams.

1) go out with ________
2) go out with other people (like bronson, who owes me a holiday and 2 cars and a toilet seat [: )
3) go running and get my fitness back
4) play tennis/volleyball/badminton/swim (just not tennis with crazy candy eating cows...)
5) learn to cook. i need to err, pamper my wife next time. hahahahaha. okay nvm. [: i mean it! not cook instant mee, but more like err, nice stuff? baked rice and whatnot. darryl!!! i don't care, he's gna teach me. he'd better. i have weird cell members.
6) meet up with close friends for dinner
7) sec3'05 exlcell gathering!!! mustmustmust have.
8) adopt more ppl, i shall adopt the little kids. like chet, eugene, gab, etc... maybe benedict too. [:
9) refine/pick up guit/bass or whatever other instrument
10) get married
11) have kids

okay, the last two... don't take me seriously. i'm kidding.

i think i'm high. but you knew that alr. but i don't get why. nth's happened.

bio today was easyyyy. if i don't get my A i'll become a mormon. rahhh. i think i lost 6 marks on antibiotics. stupid part, i went to study food, not medical biotech. but i still managed to crap some stuff out. kenneth said it's right, so that's good. logic prevails.

meeting with god

2006-10-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

and god kept his word. the meeting at 12...

i stumbled upon my old passion journals. i opened it to enter into my past - full of faith and trust, and my scribblings in service with chloe. it's those moments you want to take in a deep breath and soak in the feeling.

the answers just appear before me. answers to the questions i've asked today. answers to the questions of discipleship. answers to the questions of love. (i have true love waits sermon notes from...sec2 i think)

and i did love so uninhibitedly back then.

i loved;
- because you were always there to just smile and ask if i was okay
- because you asked before you squirted water over my head (and i said yes)
- because the straws didn't matter; the hugs did
- because you never let me be
- because we really cared about each other
- because we lived in that fairytale of castles in the sky

rahhh. i don't know. i think i know not how to love. i fear i know not what love is, nor how to give it.

yet...i'm sure, and i know, that i love you. [:

(there are many you's in this post. they may not be the same person. they may not be female. they may be referring to a higher being. happy figuring!)

should i stay

2006-10-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

blardy emo song. i swear i had it bef that jonathan sang it! so yes. but somehow it resurfaced and brought new meaning.

should i stay
by dreamz fm

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

yes i'm emo now. sighhh.

decisions

2006-10-01T00:09:00.000+08:00

abel came to service today. thank god for that. i think the word spoke to him, really. cried alot today. partially cos of the word, partially cos i think i'm emo. haha. kidding. i just could feel the struggles of the backslidden christians. i can sense things rather easily, and i told jeann sth was up when service started.

so basically i cried alot cos i felt their fears and guilt abt returning to god. strange huh. ah well. being in prayer and being prophetic's a lethal combination.

fuel was good. see, doing hw and finding out where andrew is found in the bible pays off. [:

bought munchkin stars. played with the younger kiddies. i won again, unsurprisingly. rahh. i think i will do a self imosed ban on myself.

"happy childrens' day all you muggertoads" hahahaha. stupid beale keeps signing in and out. i haven't studied much across the weekend. just alot of math. heh.

bio on monday!! bio's a must score A or die paper.

i tell you the ppl in my sch are such blardy optimists it scares me. 10 days to the end of promos isn't the usual thing you find on msn nicks. it's supposed to be like ahhh die 1 more day to promos! dang. either they're really optimistic in life, or they're damn well prepared and are going to score well.

no, i can do it. i can beat them. i'm naturally smart.

should i go for lce tmr? rahhh. ppl getting commissioned, but i have exams on monday! and ppl are coming over to make mooncakes! arrgh.

decisions decisions. i need to find my spinometer and it will point the way to go...

angst

2006-09-28T01:49:00.000+08:00

i think the night's getting to me. i'm getting all emo and insecure now.

i think i'll make that cut. now. so long world...

i think i'm off to cry myself to sleep. really.

why this is even considered public i have no idea. maybe i want people to think i'm some emo kid. maybe not.

i don't even know what i want.

maybe it's just getting so hard.

i hate you. really. i do. no, i don't. i love you. how can i hate you and love you? it just doesn't make sense. nth does.

maybe i need sth to get it off my mind.

the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. i just hate being so... i don't know. it's not even about the insecurities anymore. i don't know what the heck is wrong with me.

i think it's just the weariness i get of putting up this strong front week after week. no, it's not the act macho shit thing. i don't give a crap abt that. it's more of not stumbling people, esp in church. can i just cry and say i had a shitty week? i can't. can i cry and say i fought with my parents? i can't. i can't because people look up to me, and i have to be strong for them. but those motivations are just extrinsic. what about me?

and though i hate associating iris with being teenybopperish and emo, it perfectly and adequately describes how i feel.

and i don't want the world to see me
cos i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

yeah. i hate being emo. i think i hate myself. i don't know. this is just so screwed. and i could never post this on my other blog. that's the general perception of who i am. but is this facade of a blog really me?

i'm scared. i'm scared i'll mess up. i'm scared i'll fail. i'm scared i just won't be good enough. i'm scared that my efforts will amount to nth. i'm scared i'll lose you. i'm scared i'll lose more than you. i'm scared i'll lose so much more.

i think i'll go spend time with god. i'll go into a time of worship and shutting everything out. he's the only one who's always there, even at 2 am in the morning.

girlfriends

2006-09-27T10:31:00.000+08:00

convo with desmond. my sense of humour amuses me. too sexy to study is my line!!11oneone

saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
jc quite cool though.
how does one study with "bapbapbap, bap to da top!" playing in the fuckin background??? || too sexay to studay says:
haha
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
:P
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
can tutor me.
how does one study with "bapbapbap, bap to da top!" playing in the fuckin background??? || too sexay to studay says:
lol
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
like some hot tuition tchr.
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
[:
how does one study with "bapbapbap, bap to da top!" playing in the fuckin background??? || too sexay to studay says:
aiyo
how does one study with "bapbapbap, bap to da top!" playing in the fuckin background??? || too sexay to studay says:
kinky >.>
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
excuse to spend time ma.
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
then i'll like studying
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
it's like 3 in 1 coffee.

biatch

2006-09-27T09:31:00.000+08:00

i shall continue bitching. really.

omg that stupid biatch is damn parasitic. i swear she makes supposed friends cos they're good at subjects she isn't. well, she's blardy stupid anw. it's just damn sickening to see her hop around and hang around with _______ for math (it does not mean that's the number of letters in the name) and ________ for bio. and who knows what she does in chem. i swear she'll grow up to become this hooker who'll sleep with anyone and everyone for money. when that happens, i pay this guy with stds to go have sex with her and bring her closer to death. when she dies it should be a public holiday. rahhhh.

people are hardworking now, but she's just leeching. wth. she's damn stupid! she doesn't know what a nucleotide is! omg. that's just the epitome of stupidity! i don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

i hate stupidity, maybe cos i damn proud i'm quite smart. but when you're stupid, and you don't try, and you leech, that just sucks.

sleeeepyyyy

2006-09-27T09:13:00.000+08:00

and it's only 9.05am! i can't believe only civics has passed, when it seems like half the day is gone...

i was thinking whether this post belongs here or in the other blog, but i think i'll post it here.

thinking about it, blogs are quite hypocritical in nature. they are "public diaries", in someone's words. we blog what we want others to perceive us as. rahhh. this is too deep for this blog! i shall not perverse the innocence of this blog.

i hate ______. i hate ______. i hate ______. i think she's such a biatch. really. gahh. everyone's back from break alr. time to go.

oh happy day

2006-09-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

forget the numbers. rahhh. i'm too lazy to stick to anything for long. i guess that's one of my worse traits. otherwise i'm perfect.

okay, enough self-effacing. i've been sleeping late lately, and barely getting through. hmmm. i ponned lessons for the past two days. i know i shouldn't, i really shouldn't. but what's one to do when it's just self study time and the teacher just sits there?! "you may approach me if you have any questions..." sure. i have no questions for bio, history, geog, or lang arts. chinese is unstudyable, so that will require alot of prayer. math (with two blardy papers) is annoying. there're so many topics to study for, and each tutorial is like...20 over pages? how does one study math? and practice the amount of stupid revision exercises up on the student portal?! there's one new topic everyday. i promise you we do not all do math like cheryl and do a tutorial a day, but the blardy idierts think we're muggers like her. she has no blardy life! the prcs own her though, and they don't study. [:

so i reckon i'm done! math is just doomed. sigh. i need some major brain capacity to do math. i think i'll go write down all the formulae i've learnt! yes. i need to. i just forget too much. r formula, double angle formula, factor formula, ap/gp formula, etc... i remember and forget when i try to learn something new. and math is double weightage. blardy idierts. why is math so freaking impt?! i want to be a cashier next time. i tell you, i'll go give my teachers a testimonial of sorts. "thanks to you, i can figure out the difference between $2, $5, and $10! thank you so much! i am going to be promoted cos i can count! and i've won the nobel prize for differentiating a one dollar coin from a fifty cent one, and also integrating 6cos3xsin5x which is the price of milk per carton produced from pink cows!"

-grumbles. oh yeah. i left sth incriminating on my personal msg. i shall remove it.

oh. yes, i slept really late on monday. i slept at 4plus am in the morning on monday! haha. i was on the phone from 1plus till then. yeah. it's been awhile since i talked to jo on the phone, so it was quite welcomed, really. too many strange things have been happening. really. it's like... too coincedental. but oh well.

exams are around the corner, and i've dug up several old notes from the past while packing. came across a card the sec2 leaders wrote for me during that exam period. sth sis shufen wrote puts alot of things into perspective. "honour god with your best" somehow it seems so true. it's so often about ourselves, but i guess it's time to know that even as students we can glorify his name. and i came across a card from mr grosse. he was my pri sch english teacher, pri 4-5. and i rem i cried on the last day of sch on pri 5 cos he said he was leaving. well, i liked him alot, and still do. i respect him for the love and compassion he has for his students and his passion for teaching. for a teacher to sit with you in recess and talk to you about soccer and your favourite club, and to tell you on monday that they won over the weekend, i think it speaks alot.

okay, i shall get back to mugging.

005. quizzes

2006-09-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

blardy linesman!! ameobi was offside you stupid crosseyed freak. my eyes are larger than yours! rahhh. that's my new insult. toon army of clowns and jokes 1-1 toffees. go everton!!!

i should be sleeping or studying, but i need a break...

so here's some quizzes from random blogs.

What is the phone brand?
se w800i, motorola razrv3i

What's the last digit of your mobile number?
5, 0

What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
"of course i'm not. yet nothing but the desire for company (i'll take it as an added compliment that you occasionally want mine) would actually induce you to..."

Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
mad

Who's the last person you rang?
chermaine.

Who was your last missed call from?
sarrr.

Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
danielle. -.-

What does the last message in your inbox say?
"you aren't. cos i say you aren't. if you were, you wouldn't be humouring me. haha. but you're nice so you must be nice to me! yay! isaac has to be nice." [:

Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
jas

Go to your Sent Items - what does the 5th message say?
"okay. talk to you some other time then. night dear."

Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
sarrr.

Who's your network provider?:
singtel, m1.

How many messages are currently in your inbox?
138, 46.

What do you have as your background?
me at sentosa.

Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R?
rachel teo.

Who do you have on speed dial 3?
joanna. [:

Who's the first person who comes up under C?
i selectively chose the other phone, so chloe.

How many bars of signal do you currently have?
5.

What do you have as your ringtone?
always and forever - planetshakers

What do you have as your sms ringtone?
the much loved mosquito ring tone. haha. no more silent mode in class.

01) Single, taken or crushing? taken. duhh.
02) Are you happy with your life now? yeah.
03)When you meet the right person,do you fall in love with her fast? perhaps...
04)Have you ever had your heartbroken? haha. nope. i don't think so.
05)Do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable? ...no?
06)Would you take someone back if she cheats on you? unless you're ____, no.
07)Have you talk bout marriage with another before? does sis' and chermaine's nonsense count?
08)Do you want children? yeahh. i want twins.
09)How many? two.
10)Would you consider adoption? i bet sis came up with this quiz! maybe.
11)If someone liked you right now what do you think is the best way to let you know her feelings? use my intuition and figure it out and scare the person. i am freaky, deal with it...
12)Do you enjoy getting into relationships? yeahh, flings here and there. okay! i'm kidding! friendships.
13)Be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did? sneak glances across tables! [: hurrr.
14)Do you believe in love at first sight? no. unless you're isaac the female version.
15)Are you romantic? i think i am. (i'm dead honest and frank.)
16)Do you believe you can change someone? definitely...
17)If you could married somewhere,where would it be? i shall not tell you.
18)Do you easily give in when you are fighting? unless you're ____, no.
19)Do you have feelings for someone right now? yeahh. everyone. okay, not really.
20)Have you ever wished that you could have had someone but you messed it up? perhaps...
21)Have you ever broken a heart? yes, and it's not a good feeling. i think you feel worse than the person. rlly.
22)One day your best friend falls in love with the girl you are deeply in love with what would you do? i'll sue bronson for divorce and take all his assets, including the girl. [:
23)Are you missing someone now? ...funny.

rahhh. game starting.

004.

2006-09-24T16:24:00.000+08:00

i might just reach james bond soon...

rahhhh. wendy and sar are annoying. i see no reason why ppl go ballistic when they realise i know aaron carter lyrics. i'm officially termed a bimbo, but what's new?

and it's now on wendy's personal msg. and sar's personal msg... oh nevermind. those two girls are nuts. they should go study. i'm done with the year's syllabus. i feel good.

i need to do sth tonight. i'm dead boredd. who wants to go out for dinner? [:

i need a best friend that is never studying or taking exams... rahhh.

003.

2006-09-24T00:53:00.000+08:00

like i promised, no title. titles are a waste of time and effort typing and thinking of titles. so there.

let's see. i met drew in church today. talked to him about different stuff. that's one less person to catch up with, and i'm doing it in the middle of exams. i'm such a genius. but we all knew that alr. [:

decided not to go for ptf, talked to mark, gab and chester before service. apparently chester's understudying...shan?! hahahahaha. okay, i shall not be mean.

service was good. i think pgary's sort of changing the way he preaches...

fuel, then went with the cell to play lan. i lost to mark, for the first time. stupid 3v2 with chen. rahhhh. and i tanked for chester, and abel, in different games. and they do not help. rahh. my lightning revenant is pro-ded. frenzy + buriza + radiance. get owned. except gab's bloodseeker was too well fed. stupid thing. hmph.

went back to serene. got tortured by sis and chermy. annoying people are intent on making me turn red for no apparent reason. i need a gun. went down to play munchkins, was going to win went chet had to leave. bugger. 2 level 18 monsters with 2 wandering monsters?! i would've killed two people!!!! poof.

talked to kev about dota, weird kid he is. then bought dinner, sat with jeann and brian. kev was extremely adamant in proving he was not as scandalous as his level mates. rahh. who goes around putting a girl you like (who is not a celebrity) pic's as your wallpaper! it's just wrong. and they're sec1. goodness. sec1s are scandalous. yes, that includes gracie and someone.

chelsea won 2-0 at fulham. chermaine is being annoying and wants to sleep and refuses to talk to me. she's so going to regret that. i swear sar is weird on sat nights. really.

saarraaahhhh [: says:
heh thts u -.-
saarraaahhhh [: says:
for real
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
i know.
saac. - i lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross. says:
it's my emoticon.
saarraaahhhh [: says:
no lah
saarraaahhhh [: says:
i think the tkg uni is ugly ok
saarraaahhhh [: says:
(XP) thats mine
saarraaahhhh [: says:
see u babe :D
saarraaahhhh [: says:
yes. correct convo
saarraaahhhh [: says:
haha

first nat, and now her. why are girls from my school calling me babe?! arrgh.

no studying today cos of intensive math and geog chionging yday. i need a break. yes, breaks are good. go get kitkats you o level muggers. it helps! went down to serene to studying math with sis yday. then sebas and marcus came and marcus was getting screwed for math. oh the irony. studied from 3:30 - 6:30. went home, dumped math stuff, took geog stuff. headed to boon keng to meet jeann to study. dew ppl were over so she wanted to go out to study, but her parents "quarantined" her to the neighbourhood. haha. ended up at macs again, as kfc was packed. did notes for geog, done with everything but tourism now. yeah. hmmm. talked about stuff and ppl, as usual. headed back home at about 10. left my keys and was locked outside till my mum picked up her handphone. the home phone was engaged. someone was talking to gracie. annoying bugger. i'm so telling kahfei. rahhh.

okay. i need rest. chi tuition tmr, then off to study more.

I Shall Stop Giving Titles to My Blogposts

2006-09-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

rahhh. chinese mock exam tmr. and everyone's saying that you cannot study for chinese paper 2. it's good cos if i fail i have an excuse. but it sucks also, cos there's a limit on how well i can do with my wonderful natural chinese talent.

double language day tmr. wonderful. double lang arts. double chinese. i think i'm so going to die. i'm done mugging bio for the year. in 2 days. you can only do it if you're saac. well, the foundation and all's done. just got to memorise the details closer to the exam. math is still screwed. i thought i was done, i turn around and look through again, and i forget stuff. ahhh!!! and math is double weightage. i should seriously drop math in ac and take geog instead. rahhh.

750-1345 school
1345-1500 travel home
1500-1600 play dota and win, as usual
1600-1930 nap
1931-1935 panic that i overslept
1935-1948 eat dinner
1948-now bio
now-??? study something, math seems to be calling me

i tell you, once the promos are over i'm going to burn my notes. i'm not going to give anyone my notes. no, no junior or person from church. if not everyone will become as smart as me. haha. i'm not kidding. i shall learn the art of making mental notes so no one can copy. [: i'm a genius.

sarah's propogating her blog address. right. shouldn't she be studying? [:

i think i want a fun loving girl. i'm quite sick of being serious all the time. i need to have fun and just do more stupid stuff. after all, i'm still young. rahh. 16 is old. but shhh. i'm actually 6 only. oh yes, the girl. then we can go out and do stupid stuff. but she still has to be smart. and sporty. i like sports. especially track.

okay. the last paragraph was just cheeky. haha. [:

rahhh. i need a girlfriend. no i'm not despo. -.- i just foresee boredom ahead in the hols, and i need someone to spend time with. it's my great idea, so your comments are not welcomed. shoo.

rahhh

2006-09-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

yes. new blog. i don't know how long this will remain under wraps. i think i'll still keep my supposedly public blog, but i think i'll blog more freely here. if you're looking for my musings and whatnot, then it won't fit here.

it's just going to be me and my rants and stuff i want to talk about. yes. this blog is about me. so if you don't want to read, it's not my prob.

haha. i sound like some emokid, and jeann implicitly accused me of being one. hmmm, but i think it's true. really.

i think i'm getting too blardy tired nowadays. keep falling asleep in lessons. no, seriously. i keep dozing off and not focusing. rahhh. what's wrong with me.

i think i'm going to fail math. and mr lim says math is counted double cos we take two math subjects. what crap la. i'm so screwed! i can do math b, but blardy hell not differentiation and integration. rahhh. i hope the person who came up with those topics rots in hell. and he's prob alr dead. haha.

my first post seems so un-me-ish. which is good.

oh, lydia's done with her prelims. was chatting with her on msn in history. haha. i love my tablet. she's packing her room. rahh. the life of o level people. i'd rather take my o's, but noooo, i'm stuck in some stupid programme. sigh.

i need a life.

after the exams, i'm going for a makeover so i'll be unrecognisable. i'll change my personality and all. and be more fun loving. still emo, but i shall not show it. i need to get a best friend. i need to make more superficial friends. i think i'll stop thinking so much. i'll be more hardworking and mug more. i'll be more productive.

yeah. this is life.